Sometimes you need a Venting party

Posted on October 18, 2014 Updated on October 18, 2014

You have been warned.  This is NOT meant to blame or accuse anyone of anything.  Sometimes–if you don’t let it out it eats you inside and makes it worse. Please, please PLEASE do not take anything I saw on this page personally.

Let the massive medical venting begin…

For the last 5-10 years I have been spending a lot of time working towards a better health.  I can’t stand when people are reactive to their health until its too late (something I think describes my parents’ deaths a little).  They have some debilitating disease that may have been prevented or at least protected against if they had watched their health. Instead they just kept living, no consideration what they put in their mouths and didn’t try to understand their own body which may have contributed to their demise.  I don’t mean living in a box and watching every crumb you eat (though this sometimes sounds good with the route I’m going)…but I do mean at least not eating tons of unhealthy junk food.  I also don’t like it when these same or similar people criticize those of us trying to do a good job but struggling because its not something they want to do or want to car about.  I want support, not criticism. Encourage me towards the veggies and do NOT send me home with sweets or goodies because you feels bad or don’t want to waste.  Enabling people on a health plan is painful.

Anyways…actually the last 2 years, since Shawn and I got engaged, I have been working hard towards a better lifestyle and preparing for the future for us and possibility of children…knowing full well we might have some difficulties having a family.  This comes from a couple of places…come to find out my mom had whats called a “double uterus” where instead of forming into one upside down triangle shape when she was being formed, her came out looking more like a 3-pointed star.  I also figured out because of this — why I mattered so much. But possibly as a result of this, or of other things including weight issues, I have managed to acquire my own diagnosis regarding reproductive health and I want to understand it, try and overcome it or at least get to a point where I can accept myself.  And I don’t mean self-esteem issues. I love who I am now. But its frustrating when you result to giving into temptation when you are trying.

I have PCOS. Or poly-cystic Ovary Syndrome.  And while “cyst” is in the title, it is not as crazy as it sounds.  It is actually where micro cysts form in the ovaries, possibly eliminating ovulation and sometimes flush out each month.  Why does that matter? Because thats what you need to have babies. Ovulation is the release of the egg from the ovary so the seamen can find their way. I’ll leave the rest to sex ed on what happens next. But you can see where someone who is trying to have children may have an issue. Let’s just add in one other thing–I have HPV. I have no idea HOW i got it… my gyno said you can have a wart on your fingers and spread it that way. Luckily I do not have the cervical cancer strand and my family is known for being a warty skin type so it isn’t out of the ordinary for me.

Now–here are some of the symptoms… (let’s count how many I have)– 1. Cystic Acne (check); 2. Male Pattern Hair Growth (check–sideburns, chin I have to pluck and i have a light colored mustache…) 3. Cholesterol issues (check..especially triglycerides, which is characteristic) 4. Overweight, possibly related to insulin levels and type 2 diabetes (almost there…but definitely looking like it) and 5. Irregular periods (i’m hit or miss… but possibly not ovulating based on this.) I have also had hormone testing done…they have confirmed I have readings consistent with my PCOS diagnosis, i have low progesterone (which is need for pregnancy) and my reproductive self is angry and upset.  Grant it I know I’ve only been tracking it since July… I know my own history and know my patterns.

What’s frustrating is I’m trying to get an overall health approach to it. First, I changed my primary care.  The one I have had for several years is a family doctor and doesn’t fit my needs nor does he address everything I would like.  He’s old school…So moving on.  I have a wonderful gynecologist…but her response is “just have fun” and try for a year even though EVERYTHING ELSE points towards this issue… My question is why do I have to wait to solve a problem I already know I might have. I’ve always been someone who wants to “attack” issues right away and work towards better-ness, not waiting-ness.  Anger rising. So I went to a DO (say what you want–I feel better with her since I have several specialists already) who only proceeded to tell me my lower back/hip has issues, to go to my gyno on the PCOS issue (I’m bringing thins up at the next appointment) and noticed after some blood work that I have a vitamin D insufficiency (another pcos symptom.) So now instead of an allergist every week, its a physical therapy appointment 2x/week, allergist once a month, gyno once a year and me sort of lost in how to address my weight.  I have considered getting surgery but you have to wait 1 year before going back to trying for kids–a year I don’t have since I’m older (31).

In my perfect world: I would have one doctor who can address my PCOS, unable-to-lose-weight-issues, pseudo-allergy, cholesterol, vitamin D, overall tendinitis/soreness issues without having to send me around and get pushed around by the doctors. Luckily, i have good doctors so I will be talking with my primary on nov 17th.

(sigh..breathe…)

so THIS is why I’m trying a new health lifestyle. Also why I’m easing into it.  Yet this is why I get easily upset about hot dogs and beer and things I know I shouldn’t be eating because I know what they have done to my body and what I want to do DOESN’T involve them. Yet I enjoy having hots dogs and such with friends because my friends DO MATTER. And the several diets I have been on have not helped me as much as I like either. I don’t like points on weight watchers. I don’t like eating purchased meals on NutriSystem or medifast. I have a hard enough time exercising and nutritional eating..which is actually the best way to lose weight in the real world with real food. Eating pale, carb free and such is dangerous for me because I’m on medication and close to a diagnosis of diabetes that is a result of INSULIN issues of which cutting out things in your diet can be severe.