Sorry readers for the lack of posts lately. Holidays, Busy Schedules, you know.
some of these are personal, deep and descriptive. This is really just an outlet for me to express some of these items and I prefer that massive discussions not form around them. A private message or text will do. But for those who wonder…prayers are appreciated and kind words never lose their value.
Anyways–Shawn and I have been thinking about the next step in our marriage and relationship-kids. We actually have been trying for the past 6 months and I went off my birth control almost one year ago. Those of you who talk to me more often know this but I’ve not advertised our family planning for the world to see until now. Despite my desire to really want kids i really miss my birth control mostly because of my cystic acne. My face is a battlefield. Nevertheless, we have been trying because based on my medical history, it was possible that we would have difficulty conceiving and I had this feeing it might take longer than normal.
I finally got fed up with just waiting around despite knowing my hormone levels were all over the place so I went to a fertility doctor. He confirmed that I have PCOS-or Poly-Cystic Ovary Syndrome. Here’s a basic image of what’s going on…
My gynecologist had a test review that said things were consistent with this type of diagnosis, but no one ever actually took an ultrasound and confirm my ovaries having cysts. It was helpful to have confirmation that I could actually see (the ultrasound) and that someone was talking to me about a solution instead of leaving me to my own research-nature devices and saying birth control and time solves all. Sorry lady–I’d rather take the time to work on a solution then sitting on the probably (literally.)
Finally the doctor gave me some medicine to help. He took over my metformin medication and worked me up to a reasonable prescription instead of staying “yeah just keep taking it. “He also gave me a drug to help me with my “cycle.” Im also going through a bunch of testing (some I do not care to do) to figure out what’s going on. Prayers for that would be great…I typically freak out and run my blood pressure up the roof knowing I have that kind of stuff.
The “downside” of the whole matter is trying to lose 10 lbs by April. I meant to do this by earlier but the increasing doses of my Metformin can really do a number on my stomach. It’s nice not to starve now. My blood sugar would drop suddenly so often that i would think I was starving to death despite having had over 2100 calories in a day. Thank you hormones for control my eating and weight.
Now that I’ve controlled my portion size a little-I realized I need to burn calories. Really burn calories. We had these auditions last night and I had all the fun in the world just doing 5 minutes of dancing. Yes I’ve done Zumba at home (which I may consider now thinking about it) but doing activities with friends is better. Shawn and I try to exercise together but when we both work jobs and he is in school, we want to spend our time together not working out at a gym maybe chatting here and there.
You have been warned. This is NOT meant to blame or accuse anyone of anything. Sometimes–if you don’t let it out it eats you inside and makes it worse. Please, please PLEASE do not take anything I saw on this page personally.
Let the massive medical venting begin…
For the last 5-10 years I have been spending a lot of time working towards a better health. I can’t stand when people are reactive to their health until its too late (something I think describes my parents’ deaths a little). They have some debilitating disease that may have been prevented or at least protected against if they had watched their health. Instead they just kept living, no consideration what they put in their mouths and didn’t try to understand their own body which may have contributed to their demise. I don’t mean living in a box and watching every crumb you eat (though this sometimes sounds good with the route I’m going)…but I do mean at least not eating tons of unhealthy junk food. I also don’t like it when these same or similar people criticize those of us trying to do a good job but struggling because its not something they want to do or want to car about. I want support, not criticism. Encourage me towards the veggies and do NOT send me home with sweets or goodies because you feels bad or don’t want to waste. Enabling people on a health plan is painful.
Anyways…actually the last 2 years, since Shawn and I got engaged, I have been working hard towards a better lifestyle and preparing for the future for us and possibility of children…knowing full well we might have some difficulties having a family. This comes from a couple of places…come to find out my mom had whats called a “double uterus” where instead of forming into one upside down triangle shape when she was being formed, her came out looking more like a 3-pointed star. I also figured out because of this — why I mattered so much. But possibly as a result of this, or of other things including weight issues, I have managed to acquire my own diagnosis regarding reproductive health and I want to understand it, try and overcome it or at least get to a point where I can accept myself. And I don’t mean self-esteem issues. I love who I am now. But its frustrating when you result to giving into temptation when you are trying.
I have PCOS. Or poly-cystic Ovary Syndrome. And while “cyst” is in the title, it is not as crazy as it sounds. It is actually where micro cysts form in the ovaries, possibly eliminating ovulation and sometimes flush out each month. Why does that matter? Because thats what you need to have babies. Ovulation is the release of the egg from the ovary so the seamen can find their way. I’ll leave the rest to sex ed on what happens next. But you can see where someone who is trying to have children may have an issue. Let’s just add in one other thing–I have HPV. I have no idea HOW i got it… my gyno said you can have a wart on your fingers and spread it that way. Luckily I do not have the cervical cancer strand and my family is known for being a warty skin type so it isn’t out of the ordinary for me.
Now–here are some of the symptoms… (let’s count how many I have)– 1. Cystic Acne (check); 2. Male Pattern Hair Growth (check–sideburns, chin I have to pluck and i have a light colored mustache…) 3. Cholesterol issues (check..especially triglycerides, which is characteristic) 4. Overweight, possibly related to insulin levels and type 2 diabetes (almost there…but definitely looking like it) and 5. Irregular periods (i’m hit or miss… but possibly not ovulating based on this.) I have also had hormone testing done…they have confirmed I have readings consistent with my PCOS diagnosis, i have low progesterone (which is need for pregnancy) and my reproductive self is angry and upset. Grant it I know I’ve only been tracking it since July… I know my own history and know my patterns.
What’s frustrating is I’m trying to get an overall health approach to it. First, I changed my primary care. The one I have had for several years is a family doctor and doesn’t fit my needs nor does he address everything I would like. He’s old school…So moving on. I have a wonderful gynecologist…but her response is “just have fun” and try for a year even though EVERYTHING ELSE points towards this issue… My question is why do I have to wait to solve a problem I already know I might have. I’ve always been someone who wants to “attack” issues right away and work towards better-ness, not waiting-ness. Anger rising. So I went to a DO (say what you want–I feel better with her since I have several specialists already) who only proceeded to tell me my lower back/hip has issues, to go to my gyno on the PCOS issue (I’m bringing thins up at the next appointment) and noticed after some blood work that I have a vitamin D insufficiency (another pcos symptom.) So now instead of an allergist every week, its a physical therapy appointment 2x/week, allergist once a month, gyno once a year and me sort of lost in how to address my weight. I have considered getting surgery but you have to wait 1 year before going back to trying for kids–a year I don’t have since I’m older (31).
In my perfect world: I would have one doctor who can address my PCOS, unable-to-lose-weight-issues, pseudo-allergy, cholesterol, vitamin D, overall tendinitis/soreness issues without having to send me around and get pushed around by the doctors. Luckily, i have good doctors so I will be talking with my primary on nov 17th.
so THIS is why I’m trying a new health lifestyle. Also why I’m easing into it. Yet this is why I get easily upset about hot dogs and beer and things I know I shouldn’t be eating because I know what they have done to my body and what I want to do DOESN’T involve them. Yet I enjoy having hots dogs and such with friends because my friends DO MATTER. And the several diets I have been on have not helped me as much as I like either. I don’t like points on weight watchers. I don’t like eating purchased meals on NutriSystem or medifast. I have a hard enough time exercising and nutritional eating..which is actually the best way to lose weight in the real world with real food. Eating pale, carb free and such is dangerous for me because I’m on medication and close to a diagnosis of diabetes that is a result of INSULIN issues of which cutting out things in your diet can be severe.