My last blog was all about how to get through moving/buying a house. Soooo… It is only fitting that the my next blog be about how to deal with home improvements. My husband and I were blessed to be able to update some of the things in our house. Consider this a part 2 of how to buy a home as well as how to deal with upgrades.
Some tips to remember:
1) Do your own research: I know its hard and sometimes practically impossible, but it is helpful. Anyone (female or male) can look up information. And it helps with your budget as well as Knowing how much things realistically cost is extremely helpful for not getting scammed. Finally–getting quotes isn’t always the best solution. You have to look at who is doing the work vs costs vs will you have to repair it again and again in the future [this is VERY important–you’re not getting a bargain if you have to pay $200 every years vs $1k up front to get it done right.
2) Make an order of what you want done and then prioritize. For us-this was important. We had items that were a safety issue (electrical, fence) as well as upgrades (painting) as well as other items to consider (update bathroom.) I know money is a question for everyone so think about what MUST be done vs could be done vs let’s think about what we want & need . [This is helpful for house-buying: if you do not have time to worry about upgrading/updates then think about this when you are buying a house.
3) When you decide on who is going to do what–get a timeline and then through it out the window. This is from personal experience. Things happen to contractors every day… and their work is based off what they’re doing, what the weather is like, whether they can get supplies or workers or whatever. And honestly–take as much as you can but be patient. Being nit-picky only makes the contractors harder to work with and might add to the costs in the long run for the little things a kind heart might bring about cost-free.
4) this is a personal preference but always be appreciative of “The Help.” Today–my painter talked about how many clients do not want to talk to the people doing the work. That shocked me. I believe that everyone should show appreciation towards people helping me because they do not have to help me or be nice to me or even do a good job. They can always leave the site, charge more, etc. So, in conclusion–thank people for helping them make your life easier.
I hope these things make upgrading and cleaning up a little easier. Good luck with your homes!
Finally the day has come. I can finally let the world know : Shawn and I are….MOVING!
I have spent much of the last two month keeping quiet about this–mostly because I didn’t want to deal with people’s thoughts and opinions on picking a house they would never be living in or perhaps never see. But now that its over (well, almost, we’re picking up the truck saturday 5/3), I can let out some things I have learned in the last few months.
1) GET AN GOOD AGENT: I heard a friend at church mention this once when her and her husband were looking for a new house to live in and I remember thinking–“Why?” but trust me–after experiencing the ups and downs of home-buying, offering, going to open houses and such–a good agent is important. Our agent helped us sell our home in Anaheim along with find us a good home in Rancho Cucamonga, where we wanted to be. And he handled working out details and making the 3-5 calls A DAY to confirm about our offer and the paperwork and everything else. And he didn’t treat us like we knew nothing about home-buying (which we kind of did). I would say, unless you are trained or you live in an area that is not super competitive for home-buying (i.e. NOT california), then I suggest getting a good agent. It will save your sanity.
2) LET THINGS GO: During a home buying process, there is a lot of give & tug. Buyers want perfect homes, sellers want the most for the money and yet these are two things they have little control over. I thank God that we were able to get a good buyer for the Anaheim house that let us stay rent free in the home an additional 30 days so we could find our next home. Not many people any luxury close to this and frankly, it helped me trust him more with letting my mom’s house go to just anyone. But that is something I had no control over and I think that’s the most important thing to remember: some things you can’t control and you just have to let it go (i’d get all cliche but we all know God’s there anyways and “letting God” … just sounds like a puppet on strings and that’s the not the relationship I have with my awesome Creator.”)
3) COMMUNICATE: if you don’t like something-say so. If you can’t bare the idea of living 50 feet from a firehouse, mention it. Especially if you are moving into a place with your spouse. BOTH your opinions count–its a learning experience especially if you haven’t been together that long. I recommended not purchasing your first home right when you get married–it only complicates things and you have not had time to learn each other as a couple. Especially if you did not live together before marriage. I’ve seen things like this break relationships and cause riffs between people. Probably should go back to advice #2 above if it gets like this.
4) TAKE A DEEP BREATHE AND RELAX: this one doesn’t needed explaining, just something that needs to be put into practice. See #2 and #3 for reference points.
I hope that helps people. Also it’s probably not a good idea to do this whole in your last quarter of school and trying to work on career development at work. But it wouldn’t be my life if it wasn’t exciting, right?
Having moved across the country for school, worked in very ethnic neighborhoods, lived in England for 3 months and been to Jamaica—I am always amazed and awe-struck at the differences around the world. Yet—around the world people are always paranoid about things that are different.
Now, this isn’t my moment to get on a equal rights discussion (though can be very justified at time.) This is more of a discussion that it is okay to have differences and still work together. The thought came up when I was talking with friends about come personal problems with another individuals and their advice was that though you may respond by saying “ok” to someone, it does not mean you have to agree with all or even anything they just stated. It was a shocker to me. Yet-I could relate when I realized it’s the same thing: you can be united and be different.
Now, here’s the outpouring of this idea: there are several types of people in the united states. Social, economic, ethnic and cultural differences. Yet, we are called what we are – The United States (and Texas , and maybe California… 🙂 just kidding.) We agree that we are going to unite as states to follow one government and its established rules. We are one country-yet operate with state legislation.
I wish people would get this idea more regularly. Even in basic ideas, we don’t accept this. We think things have to match, not unite. And if they don’t match, then we don’t want to be a part of it. And I think this teaching starts very young—think of kids on a playground. Most kids find those that look like them, like to play the same sports or games or even those they know because they go to the same church or daycare. All based on similarities and we associate that as children that things that are like us are okay. I also know (so maybe this is attributed to my parents) that when I was a child-I was always curious in the things that were different. Yes-sometimes I starred as a kid, not because I was shocked but because I was actually trying to understand it with my mind. It was like a daze-glance…not a mean stare. I’m even guilty of this nowadays. I wish starring wasn’t culturally rude….I know it can have negative side effects, but sometimes people are just honestly trying to grab a visual so they can grasp the concept.
So maybe next time when you want to do something—try doing the different. The unusual, the unique. Instead of staying with the familiar. I’m not asking you to put your life in danger (at least not all the time), but I am asking people to step outside their narrow mindsets and perspectives and try & have an open approach to life. It allows for flexibility, love and grace
So as events are happening around our house and we are beginning to see how much techno gadgets we have in the house. So I thought (hmm..) maybe I could dispense some knowledge I have about technology for those who think they don’t know anything.
1) PHONE — i have been through a G2, a samsung galaxy S3 and now have an iPhone. As my advice always goes with any piece of technology buy according to what you NEED, not what fancy thing you want. Yes, I agree some things have gadgets that are extremely helpful and maybe that is something to consider when BUYING but if you’re trying to save money look for what you need. I have an iPhone because Shawn and I want to be able to see each other’s schedules and I wanted to sync all my other electronics, which are Apple. If you just need just a phone that makes calls and text, I would get the cheap phone. We did that with our home line so that we could easily delete the 10+calls a day from telemarketers. The phone cost me $50, no contract.
2) COMPUTER (laptops/desktops/tablets)– again, my simple advice buy what you need pretty much applies. However, computers work a little different. You want something that also lasts a longer time than 3 weeks. You also don’t want to spend a ton of money. I typically advise getting an Apple if you need simple functions, a Windows computer if you play several computer games and honestly, if you can build you’re own to fit what you need (Shawn has built too…) I know there are people who disagree with this, have loyalties to either Apple or Windows, but I’m trying to help, not encourage a battle. I want people to get the best deal. The reason I go with Apple because my 5yr old desktop and my 4 year old laptop from Apple have lasted the test of time. My gateway laptop lasted MAYBE 3 years before getting old and slow–grant it it still runs but i would have to buy another laptop anyways by this point, possibly 2, which is more in cost than my apple the firs time.
3) GAMING SYSTEMS: now, this is a little more complicated. Pricing is about the same, so in my mind its not really something to consider. It’s what do you play and how often. We have a PS3 and a Wii along with a home built computer with other games. I bought the Wii because i play the games on it and enjoy them more. I was willing to spend $50/game when something new came out. However, we got the PS3 because I really wanted the blue ray and the games at the time were much better quality. Now, I lived with someone who enjoyed online gaming more, so they owed an Xbox. These are all important things to consider. Since systems are $400-$600 dollars and games $50/game its always important to consider all avenues. HINT: computers are always an option instead of systems…figure out how much you play and what is worth it.
4) GADGETS — we have a ton of these. Kitchen gadgets for making hot dogs, a kitchen Aid blender, coffee pots, tea makers, you name it. I even have a bread machine with the goal to make more bread than buy. Let’s just say choose your gadgets carefully. I would love to say we don’t use something, but we do use them all fairly. We have made bread (multiple times), made tea & coffee, SEVERAL waffles in different flavors. OF course, we asked for things on our wedding registry…and by craziness we got them…so we appreciate things. My advice–watch your gadget intake 🙂
Hello Blogging World.
So this week is a cleaning week. Cleaning inside our home…cleaning my mind to input new information. Cleaning house emotionally… So I thought I would also work on cleaning up my blog and getting some more organization to it.
1) Clean House:
My husband and I have a reason for this (please do not jump to conclusions—we will be notifying everyone when appropriate and NO, it is not a baby.) But due to the fact that we are both in school cleaning house is more becoming something we have to schedule.
For a married couple-no kids, I recommended balancing out the cleaning. Find out what people can tolerate. For example, no one likes doing laundry but my husband does not cook in the kitchen often and has excelled in doing laundry, even if just to do a quick load. So He does the laundry most of the time while I do dishes. I also take care of the puppies’ dinner while he has offered to do the yard once the gardeners are released. Compromise is key to house work—tackle major challenges together.
Also tackle one thing at a time. Don’t try & do everything on one day. It’s stressful and realistically not possible if you both work and have school. So make small goals. “Today, I will clean the dresser off & organize the closet.” Definitely doable in a couple hours at most. Or “I will sweep/vacuum the house today.” Do things that you can accomplish—you feel better when you get something done and you can then take breaks and decide if you want to tackle something else. My goal right now: boxing the computer room… which includes my books I do not use. I’ll be graduating soon with a major reorganization coming up (you’ll find out why)—its something I can gradually work on and feel accomplished when I get little projects done. For example—I packed my lady & the tramp collection. MAJOR accomplishment
2) Clean Your Mind
This is probably a more difficult task for me and something I need to be more disciplined about, but as a Christian I really want to clean up house in my mind, both through school and spiritual needs so I can live a little simpler. With graduating—that will break up some room for me to structure things on my time. Here are some short term goals:
Prayer/God Time: this NEEDS to happen. Somewhere. Where I take time out to do this. End of Story. I will admit I am not a morning person (AT ALL) so this is something I have to schedule into my daily activities. I realize it is a good thing to have but it needs focus and discipline along without making me feel stressed.
Worship: I’m slacking a little on this—mostly because Shawn and I have work/class and Sundays are literally the only day we get any sleep. Mentall I try to take some time to read scripture and give something back in thanks… My idea is that if Prayer time starts setting in it will be nature to worship whether I’m at church or not. And my personal goal with any children we have is to emphasis the importance of praising God in worship anytime…. (yes I understand kids needs structure but I don’t want religion as the institution suffocating them-God brings life so we don’t need any of that.)
Reading Goals: I have tons of books I would like to read. Not being in class will provide me with my own reading schedule. I am going to try & read as many as I can in a year… I like when people do this and think it is healthy relaxation.
3) Physical Cleaning: Yeah, I’m back to this again. I gained all the weight I lost and then some. I need a restructure about eating healthy and not just dieting. I want to do this so I can loose weight BEFORE children but it needs to be a full-time thing. Habit/Life-changing. So for that to stick I need more discipline, less hate/negativity and encouragement. Right now I want to get back to counting calories…and trying to add 1 veggie into my life daily. I have realized I lack veggies. A lot of veggies. …so baby steps. Also, I have tried doctors and nutritionists and other people telling me how to eat. The more restricted I feel, the more anxious and crazy I get. So need to work on a method that’s away from that.
Well I hope that gives people some guidance in cleaning. Some times things require restructure and a new foundation. Shalom in Christ my friends!!
My maternal clock that is!
So, it is absolutely beautiful to see old and recent friends having their first, second, sometimes third child. This coming from a child of a mother who was told she could not have kids, has been told that it might be a similar problem for her and that she is 30 years old with no toddlers. Don’t get me wrong–the last one is by choice on multiple levels. However, GAME ON when i graduate 🙂
Anyways–I just wanted to express some of the things I have learned and will probably be incorporating into my (hopefully) future child-bearing times. This is important to me because both my parents have passed–so the experience and resources most people get from their mothers and fathers I will be searching for in my friends and other family. So, truly to me, the birth of your children and your insights are a pleasant read.
First with the birth. I have several medical issues. Some totally irrelated to having a child but some not so much and because I do not want anything crazy going on with myself or my husband (for that matter), I am choosing to have a child in a hospital. Luckily that is becoming not a threatening thing. Though a home birth would be, let’s say, an accomplishment–I do not feel comfortable with the idea just yet and unfortunately definitely not comfortable with anything like a water birth. (I concede that this may change but for now…) Again, that being said-I plan on having the most natural birth as possible. Meaning no medication unless I’m about to die or the baby is. (and if any of you start the “oh you’ll say differently when you have a baby…” crap–there are thousands of women who do this every day with medical doctors or nurses and it has worked for thousands of years. don’t push me.) I have decided this mainly for the reason that when I got a shot in a similar location once, I jumped and I do not need that risk if I try to get a epidural. Secondly because I do feel birthing, mothering, and everything associated with it are part of our beauty as created beings of God, whether “pretty” or not and thirdly–i’ve been told that gall bladder attacks are worse than pregnancy pain and since i’ve lived through those–i’m not scared of what’s in store. (again, i concede the scared part)
Second with homelife. Surprisingly, Shawn and I have talked several hours about this–things we would do and not do and frankly–its actually determined by watching YOU! I mean you parents with smaller children. There are some things done extremely well (natural/attachment parenting/whatever you want to call it) and there are some that are just irritating (that will remain anonymous). Here are some afterthoughts:
1) Clothe diapers. Thought the idea totally frightens me–I know it can be done and Shawn and I really like the idea. Plus I HATE seeing disposal diapers everywhere. gross on so many levels and not helping the environment. So we have agreed on this and if our trends of washing continue, it should not be difficult. Plus I have resources on what to do properly, etc…from good friends with multiple children. just an afterthought—potty training remove this… maybe a prayer for being about to take care of our own child NOT in daycare will help or a day care that works with clothe? I have no idea–a bridge to cross later.
2) Breastfeeding. I plan on doing this the most natural way possible. I am worried, though, that because we both work that doing this for any length of time may be a challenge if not possible. However, considering we have a probability of having a lactose intolerant kid (both of use have sensitivities), I personally would like to breastfeed for as long as possible compatible with what is reasonable. Contrast: I do not want to be breast feeding a 5 yr old.
3) Hygiene : now–i know there are some things you must do when it comes to kids, especially newborns. However, Shawn and I have also been very clear that we will NOT be the parents running around after our kids with Purel. Why? because despite the organic, super hygiene mantra, most of the world DOESN’T live like that and we do want our child to be acclimated. They also need to build up immunity against things (not when their immune system is growing, but later) It’s also logistics. Also, I cannot tell you how many myth busters and biology shows i have watched stating that those stupid anti-baterial soaps don’t actually clean your hands, they just spread the junk around. You want to be clean? WASH your hands, soap, warm water and DRY them with a towel or clothe. This cleanses and actually picks up the germs off your hands. Dryers don’t’ fully remove (again–thank you Myth busters) [[gradually steps down from soapbox]]
5) Education: this is a heart string for me. What I want to do: homeschool. But rules in CA and personal experiences unfortunately make that not as practical. Hence why we are moving to an area with good schools before the kids come. It’s our top priority. I will also be fairly adamant about education at home. Shawn is very street smart, I’m very book smart and together, we’re both just smart. Plus I had a 4th-grade teacher for a mother who taught me things like “once kids start walking get a sturdy pair of shoes” so they walk proper or how to handle your kids in public. I’m also doing some minor reading on the “attachment parenting” style. (sorry for the title, but it is the best quick description)–I personally think half the stuff they do is normal and natural. That’s all I want. Children are influenced enough by everything else in the world. least I can contribute in a healthy way.
I feel better now that i have released those into blog-world. Though birth is beautiful–knowing my age and probability of having children watching everyone else have kids is a little depressing at times. I love children. I should have gone into teaching elementary because i love them so much. And I want to use my brain with them–hopefully treating them like proper children whatever age they are. I use this approach with my dogs (which has its similarities.) I do not talk baby to them, I speak straight forward (when I get the best result) but I speak to them. Anyone remember the discussion about the dog dying in “What Dreams May Come…?” You have to face reality, learn to accept it and yet still be passionate about it. And with God–what could make it better? (oh blessed party)
I do not know how many people experience this, but have you ever reached your breaking point to where no matter what criticism or negative thing you thin of it sets you off into uncontrollable crying or gets you extremely upset? well I know I have. It is almost as though you think you have managed to place your feelings aside, have worked up enough courage to keep going in life, but all of a sudden, a plate breaks or you get a paper cut and all hell seems to break loose on you. And unfortunately, uncontrolled emotions (as many women know) can result in several unhealthy things. So here’s my go around on what to do if you go into emotional overdrive:
1) DO NOT DIRVE anywhere! you cannot control your emotions, you definitely cannot control another vehicle. I have learned from bad experience that driving while emotionally unstable results in the accidents or almost accidents you fear. And of course THAT in of itself would not make recovering from a panic attack or emotional overdrive any easier. (few..) ok now I’ve got that out…
2) Pray–i never thought I’d say this-coming from the girl who hates taking formal prayer time out to talk to God who is always there anyways, but I am being serious. You want something good to focus on? Let’s be realistic… as Christians and believers, God is the best person. You may not get your answers or solutions or whatever, but God is the only being that can truly help you refocus. So pray a little, even it is just a repetitive prayer to calm your breathing. Medical/science peeps can attest that works even all on its own with the whole God thing 😉
3) Do something you CAN control. Now, what I mean is not go destroy something or run off into a corner. That just leaves you a big mess or alone with your thoughts and neither work. You need to do something healthy and productive. Like wash dishes (its seriously what they recommend) or in my case, pack another box of stuff. It’s soothing, does not require much thinking, and can be done without harming you or others. Best option. Also, it brings your emotions down to a manageable level.
just some other ideas on emotional overdrive/panic attacks–for those experiencing and those helping. Try not to push the person back into the situation that causes the attacks. It’s not good to force someone until their ready. Until they can gradually work through something. And this requires a lot of prayer. Trust me. Also, hugs are good 🙂