Counter Productive
So a couple of posts ago I talked about how excited I was to finally have someone look and see if I’m officially autistic. I was so excited, typed out 2 pages of all things i could remember from my childhood that may be associated with being autistic and tried to prepare for this meeting. I prepared myself mentally and physically and couldn’t fathom the idea that in all this excitement the inevitable happen: We had to reschedule.
Now-don’t get me wrong. Life happens. I get that. And the impression I got from this psych in the one live communication I had with her over the computer was that she was confident in helping people where they needed it. So here I was — need helping–and reality and stereotypes stepped in. Something or someone else decided it wasn’t to happen that day. I also keep mind that she was providing a free service (another reason why I am just getting to venting about this) and that I may be lower on a priority list than others who pay and need more immediate services.
But to me–it was immediate. I had finally found something that would either help self-validate my concerns about myself or at least point me in the right direction. Now–with that meeting less than 2 days away–I am anxious/upset/nervous about trying again to meet up online. What if it happens again? Do I make sure I tell her how I feel? And my emotional well-being is so irregular right now due to LIFE that I 1) want a break and 2) know it cannot happen that way.
Hopefully Friday will come with meeting with this psych and things I really want to talk about will happen.
