So I am gradually welcoming myself back to the land of the living. Since the birth of Austin–it has been a whirlwind of learning his habits, his necessities and his milestones while trying to keep my head somewhere in the range of my body (because expecting it to be even slightly screwed on somewhere is a joke at this point.) is a miracle.
I will say that I have a learned a lot from having a child. So here I will leave you with little tidbits I have learned so far (remember first time mother who DOES NOT know what the hell she’s doing sometimes.)
- Make you Aware whether it be an oversensitivity to every sound and image in and around your home and community, i can definitely say that over the past few months my ears, eyes and thoughts have been tuning into everything Austin. The TV is always too loud, the lights too bright, the details too shocking. And while I would like to think some of these things don’t affect him– in reality all nurturing affects the nurtured in some way. I just know I want to give him the best environment to thrive in the best way. And yet-at the same time love him for every ounce that he is–or will be–or whatever. It’s a crazy thought when I go thru “how do I tell him about such and such” or “what do I say when he asks about that?” I know i’ll figure it out or at least admit I can’t and try to be the best mother to my son. That’s all one can ask for.
- Secret Code parenting and babies have secret codes. Smiley faces with tongues sticking out and goggly eyes are not always happy signals but sometimes presents down below. There is clearly a language between little baby mothers for when I was at Disneyland–the three week old baby mother and myself (7 week old austin) could look at each other without saying a word and knew where we each were–sleepless & exhausted with hungry but joyful kids. Maybe its because our children are closer in age… but even the older children parents know what is going on and its a comfort to know you’re not alone. Actually–its a bigger comfort to know that you aren’t the only one who has gone thru sleepless nights, disgusting cleanups (either of food or something else) or even a stressed out/tantrum kiddo. My biggest accomplishment as a mom: admitting I do not have my shit together–at all.
- Being Prepared is not just a Lion King song Luckily I haven’t run into this too often… but i will say when you’re without formula, without a diaper, without a blanket–even at this age can be daunting. You get creative and crafty — and I swear its only going to get worse in having a small human being.
- In the End–All of Life is worth it! No matter how many poopy diapers I change or spit up shirts i wash– it will all be worth it in the end. I keep telling myself this because there are moments I want to cry and just press pause for a few minutes so I can breathe or sleep or eat. Luckily my husband, friends and family are all really good about redirecting my focus to the right locations. That God does good things (insert all applicable bible verses here about surviving life’s challenges) and that in the end watching my child grow will be all worth it. It’s a crazy thought to realize I brought a tiny human into the world and that it will be my responsibility to take care of him. And to be a parent means you would do anything for your child–whether it be starve & suffer or celebrate and share.
Dear Austin–I can’t wait to see what life has in store for you! Remember I will always be your mommie (from 1-100) and will always seek for you the good in life.