The Downfalls of a Renaissance Woman

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Years ago a good friend described me as “the epitome of a modern Renaissance woman.” It was meant as a compliment to show how amazing I was at learning a lot of different and unrelated topics. Deep inside me i have this crazy desire to always want to learn more, to seek out more, to try new things and to be involved. It is a unique pespective in this modern world of specialization but as the years go by–I have realized the downside of wanting to know everything.

First — it is very easy to get bogged down and overwhelmed. I cannot tell you how many times I just want to scream and cry it all out for a day because I couldn’t get something completed.  I feel like my house is always a mess because i have books, gifts, and computers strung out everywhere, all related to things I want to study or understand.  It took me years to understand that hobbies and interests do not mean a straight line to completion.  Let’s add in that I’m a very passionate person–so when I get involved or interested in a topic, its usually full force. For example, right now my interest is writing. I have tried to make sure I write all ideas that come to mind down so I have my computer, my iPad and phone always within arms reach in addition to a couple physical journals and at least write some words each day (taking up time.) Now-this is a good habit of a writer but there is a huge part of me that wants to get something published. This writing “dream” has lasted since last year and while I have 3-4 book ideas, a couple short stories, I have only until recently set up my writing blog (phoenix-spirit.com) and established my writing identity. And it doesn’t equate to a career change.

Second– you do know a lot more than the average person. I have actually had to work on remembering this. I have had to learn what silent patience is because all i want to do is talk about the extensive history of a subject or about my multiple experiences the issue. It’s extremely difficult for me to just listen, take in someone else’s experience or insights about it and move on. I’m not egotistical, truly. I just get excited about knowledge. Yes-I know how to listen to opinions. I applaud that…having one’s opinion. I’m talking more about facts and history and such.

Other problems I run into is that I am not good at any one thing but good with all things. You ask me to do something–if I don’t know how to do it I will probably go figure it out myself. It took some time for me to adjust to cooperate life when I first got my job at AAA because I was used to doing things. (What-we have a tech support? We have facilities to move things? I’m so confused.) When my mom passed away and I was responsible for doing stuff around the house it was extremely hard to accept sometimes calling to fix sprinklers or even to ask Shawn to get me a drink (personal issues related to BOTH of these.) I also do not want to ever, EVER settle, despite having dreamed about my wedding since I was a kid and played college in the neighborhood with my other friends and having about 20  5-year plans.  Honestly, I contemplating getting into planning and design because ideas run through my head all the time (hence the writing.)  I thrive on change, on dramatic difference. Hey-I’m coining this term! Right now my mind struggles with the idea of wanting to move, find something new to do and new types of energy. I also run the risk all the time of being stopped dead in my tracks, of learning what it means to digest something and think about it.

By the way, if think ‘my kiddong, here is a list of things I’ve learned: I have a MA in theology with a biblical studies emphasis. I have an associated in general insurance (AINS) for work and serve as an arbitrator as well as one of the techs/systems people in the office. Add in I decently play almost every woodwind instrument minus bassoon, I own a piano, clarinet and flute for fun and cannot survive without my vocal chords. I also draw and paint a little (as in own paints, brushes and canvases along with colored pencils, crayons and pens), have got certified in dog training, own multiple pets, have a BA in History (which I love), on my own free will tried and still trying to learn German while know parts of Spanish after taking seminary studies in Greek and Hebrew (biblical-which you could leave me in.) I’m a liberal arts masterpiece with science and tech starting to creep in.

Well, time works through things and who knows–maybe I’ll win the some award and be able to retire for doing so much 🙂 (j/k)

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