At the corner of tomorrow and yesterday

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So over the last few years, I spent a lot of time at the doctor’s working on trying to get a full grasp on my health. Of course, I know i’m overweight, and I’ve been trying to correct that issue without driving myself insane. Let’s just say-its been an uphill battle.

But I want to get some things off my chest. Mostly so I can hand it over to God to figure this out. But also because i need to vent. If the words that are to follow make no sense, I apologize.

So almost 10 years ago I walked into my doctor’s office and complained about my left ear. It felt like it was clogged–all the time. The conversation usually went “feels like my ear’s clogged”, “well its your allergies”, “but I don’t have allergies”, “then go see the ENT.” At some point I finally decided to go to an allergist because i wanted to rule it out. Come to find out, I do have allergies–to almost all grass, most trees (especially olive trees -the pollen not the olives themselves) and shots were recommended. I am just getting to the point where i only get 1 shot every 3-4 weeks… However, it took, going through a bad test, referral to the ENT, going through sinus surgery, getting those cleaned and going through inhalers for my sinuses to this point. I still go through my ears sounding like their clogged. But at least I have someone to blame, right?

After Shawn and I got engaged I decided it was time to figure out my general health. Considering my family history I wanted to make sure I had a grasped on what goes on with my body. So blood tests started. I would say for the last 4-5 years I have been going every 3-6 months to let them tell me I’m overweight, I have moderately high cholesterol (not high, but the “almost high” category) and that I need medication and need to lose weight. I have gone through (…think think…1..2.3…20million) many diets, nothing working, some things depressing me to eternity and sometimes just eating like a pig so I can enjoy things a little. I have contemplated surgery, but the idea of shrinking my stomach, pain in addition to the fact I barely qualify with the weight/BMI I just push it aside. The only couple things going for me– I am pre-diabetic/already taking metformin for woman issues and have high cholesterol. I’m sure I’m fighting genetics battle here so I might as well think like a diabetic now…and there might be a doctor discussion in the works about the weight stuff.

I have also met with my female doctors since I have had problems in that area (i’ll leave the details for the private sector.) Let’s just say I have an imbalanced hormonal system with as close to a diagnosis for Poly-Cystic Ovary Syndrome as you can get because they really don’t have a diagnosis test. I also have HPV (history in my family of moles/warts so almost expected), low progesterone & high DHEA-S (if anyone knows that means.

Within the last year, I’ve been trying to keep my health up, despite my failed attempt at healthy eating. I got a new primary care physician and we have determined that I have an insufficient supple of vitamin D, DESPITE taking a 1k tablet daily. Since my mom did get osteoperosis later in life, I was given a prescription for a 50k vitamin D supplement to take for 4-6 months to see if it makes a difference. And was told to keep taking what i have been taking. Which is a concoction of vitamins and some prescriptions. And no, i do not have low blood sugar or a thyroid problem..I don’t know about my body’s insulin levels
All this being said… I need to get back to exercising. I play softball 1 night/week and managed to pull something in my sciatica (lower lower back, right to be exact) and could feel my quad pulling, which is absolutely frustrating cause I could barely walk. I NEVER had this problem so it was a bit of a shock. I have a gym membership, but live far from my friends and those near me don’t have 24hr fitness and Shawn works different hours then me and after an 8hr day in addition to other stuff exercising is not my priority. and my puppies don’t get walked… yeah, there’s that.

SOOooo… I’m frustrated. I don’t care if I get a little religiously pushy right now but… I’m venting, so there 😛

What I would like? To be healthy. I don’t need to be skinny, just healthy. I would like to be able to easily have a child. Not fight an uphill battle against genetics and health. And I love God and know that miracles happen (I myself am my mother’s miracle), but I wish it didn’t sound so regurgitated when I think of praying about having children. What I sometimes picture is God coming down with a big eraser and just wiping the fat away. And while God is over all, over physics and could very well do the thing I ask– we were beautifully created to live out our lives in the creation made for us to keep. So why would an eraser do about that. However, my body going through some metabolic shift so that I don’t eat as much food and loose a ton of weight would work (hint hint God.) I am just tired of worrying about it all, my health, my weight, my, well, whatever.

So i’ve been thinking of picking a date to start back on exercising. They say prepping for a start date is a better way to stay committed (BTW-I could teach classes on the things I have learned about healthy eating..) I need to eat better but its hard when you have multiple things going on.

my goal?
make it to the gym for 90-120 minutes/day less the day of softball. You might think that’s too high, but considering I do not stay active at home, its better I say everyday and if I end up walking I at least get a break in a good way.

i also want to get to a point of eating “organically”. More specifically no hormones. I’m not sure how that’s going to work out cause I have no way of tracking it, but until I do … I’m just going to try & not eat processed foods. My allergist/immunologist recommended even trying gluten-free, but since I don’t have a cylliac disease and am afraid I might eat too much rice & corn, the non-processed food is a better idea.

so wish me luck again on this great adventure. Hopefully someday, I can post the “holy crap i’m a size 12” post…

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