Crossroads
On June 14th, 2014 not only will be it one of my best friend’s birthday and Flag Day, but also I will be graduating from Fuller Theological Seminary with a Masters of Arts in Theology, Biblical Studies emphasis. I am very excited to reach this point in my eduction — something more than the expected bachelors (expected in reference to what society expects in education) and something in a subject I truly love. Again–if I could have told myself in high school that you could major in theology and learning more about God–I would have thought you were crazy. Yet here I am — 4 last classes away from my Masters degree.
But as all graduates know–graduation is not only a time of celebration but also of deep thought. You spend years learning tons of new material, techniques, perspectives and names that are valuable to your field of study. And so people ask–“What are you going to do next?” And just as in undergrad–I can truly say I do not know what I am to do. I know God called me to Fuller. To study and learn more about Him, his Word, thoughts and perspectives about who He is. To a place that was flexible to my schedule and yet still challenging to my mind. And I am thankful that He did so–or else I would be still sitting moping about going to seminary.
And that is what has held me together through my masters career. God knows what He’s doing–whatever your theology is on God’s pre-knowledge–and all I could say is that He had called me to school. Until tonight…
Tonight after class I got to speak with one of my professors. We had reviewed something in class related to his doctoral studies and as a result, it got me thinking again about getting a Ph.D. I always tell myself-“Sara, you’ll just have to wait” which sometimes is a cop out for I don’t think I can do it–just to be satisfied with the Masters. Of course-that only pushes me more to find a way to make a Ph.D work. And why a PhD?? I don’t know-ask God. I feel my passion for everything theology and biblical stems from a passion to study & know more about him. In different ways, different languages, in understanding the original points, concepts and ideas that He is trying to communicate through Scripture (which I have found are more plentiful than you expect.)
Over the past year I have been thinking about what to do about my master degree. I have seriously considered that PhD. route–but it would have to be by the grace of God alone to find a program that not only fits into my passions but also my schedule. And still allows for flexibility in my studies as I want to reach into linguistics and theology–something I’m not even sure you can relate yet two subjects I deeply love. And of course this is not even considering the idea of Shawn and I starting a family. And his masters in screenwriting. What I consider the perfect scenario: that Shawn makes enough money in a job related to his degree so that I can become a full-time PhD student to earn my degree and still manage to stay in the Southern California area–while beginning to have kids. One can only pray & hope, right? 🙂
Yet on a more realistic note–I do pray that God will show me what to do with all of this. And maybe more importantly the how to do it and the confidence to do it with. Or maybe the how and what he will provide and it is my confidence in Him that will gain strength. When I was in undergrad–I purposely told myself I would need to take a year off school to work so I would 1) know what it feels like to actually have a job & 2)because I did not feel I was ready for a masters/seminary program. I had no idea where God was leading me (mostly because where I thought I was going was not where I ended up.) Now- I already have a job, my husband, two dogs and the love & support just as I had before.
I know I don’t have a sick family member or a major tragedy to overcome–but I do ask as a friend and follower of Christ that those who know me pray for me–to have God show me the way. Whatever that is, to not belittle what he has helped me through and to open my eyes for the great things that are to come.
in the words of an old camp song…
“Here I am, LORD. It is I, LORD. I have heard you calling in the night…I will go LORD, if you lead me… I will hold your people in my heart…” {{sigh}}
Musings of An AfterThought 
