Over the years, I have been bullied (as a overweight child) insulted, and/or criticized for my talents, knowledge or physique. It’s part of life. And though I have been through the deaths of both my parents already—I think that dealing with disappointment and “failure” (if you can call it that) has been more difficult emotionally and psychologically. Don’t get me wrong— death of another is horrible and is not an easy thing to experience. But at the same time—it is part of living. And as a Christian-death is only transition-which gives me hope-which is still good. But when people have let you down, attacked you for reasons you do not understand—whether they are good or bad in their nature they always tend to hurt. I have a plethora of examples but I do not want to make anyone ELSE feel the pain I have because of actions or things out of their control or because they were human for a day (or every day.)
I think the hardest thing to remember as a Christian is that no matter where you are in life—all things can be used for the glory of God. A lost “perfect” house may be upsetting and confusing but the house you unexpectedly enjoyed ended up meeting all your wants and needs. A denial in one location could mean an opening in another. The whole “when God closes a door somewhere he opens a window” mantra… and sometimes that window is larger than the door you were trying to go through.
Here’s my personal example: I have slacked much lately in trying to attend church. I didn’t want to be the typical grad student but with limited contact with my new husband between school and work-Sunday morning was the only day we were getting to, literally, rest. Together. And that’s important to us. As a couple we deserve one day together. But in my heart—I want to sing in choir, enjoy worship and work on getting up before the sun to be at church at 7:30am. I have even prayed for that energy since I feel like I do not have it most of the time. And I am also having to pray that God will understand and that others will not judge me for deciding to sleep in. That’s hard since I was criticized as a kid for this type of thing. And as an adult from other non-loving persons.
Anyways—I think that’s the most I could vent without getting upset or frustrated about life right now. Things are good—don’t get me wrong. It’s just a lot going and a lot I prefer to keep out of the shadows of Facebook dialogues or twitter posts.