I have been married for 4 months. That’s right, count them. Four. Though it has been a blast and exciting roller coaster of emotions and I am thrilled to be spending the rest of my life with my best friend and loving partner, I want to address one thing: children. Either because I am now 30 years old or because that’s what you ask a newlywed couple– several times I have been asked or joked about having children. I just want to set some things straight. And as a side note–I know the joking is in good jest and this is not directed at any one person–sometimes you just have to be careful what you’re joking about.
First, NO WHERE in the Bible does it say that children are required to have the perfect family. Nowhere. One of my professor mentioned this before I got married and I was taken aback by how simple yet profound this statement was. Now, don’t get me wrong–children are definitely marked as a blessing and generations cannot exist without offspring “springing out.” for the covenant made with Abraham, but it is not required to live a full life. In fact, Paul in his letters talks about even marriage getting in the way of following Christ. Of course, marriage is completely different than children. But in the biblical sense, marriage came before children so if you cannot handle being married and a relationship with God, then kids are definitely off the table.
Second, you have to ben careful WHO you joke around with. I know personally from many of my friends they waited several years before having kids both by choice and not by choice. So every time someone indicates that their sick or not feeling well it is NOT a good idea to suggest that they’re pregnant. It may strike a sensitive topic or be something a couple has chose not to participate in and only makes matters worse. Laughing about something that may be physically difficult for a couple or feel like they have to fight because they don’t agree with it can get difficult. I know i have friends who spent years (that’s right, not months, YEARS) trying to have a kid and to only joke about this would throw emotions around. It also doesn’t help those of use who have minor anxiety/control issues and all that joke did for me personally was run me into the millions of website and billions of “what if” scenarios. Not health and doesn’t help me feel better…
Thirdly, just because someone is so old or just married or whatever is not an automatic jump to children. Maybe they want to travel. Maybe children are not an option. Maybe they didn’t have a choice. But I feel like because I am now a married woman over 25 that kids must be the next option. I wish people didn’t assume that. My mom was told she couldn’t have children and had me as a surprise at 41. Yep–41. And I came out just fine. And if someone had told her at 30 a joke like this, she would have been emotionally downhearted.
Anyways–just something to think about the next time you want to make a joke about being pregnant. Food for thought, really.